Do You Know the Muffin Man?


My J Date membership may have paid off. I got an e-mail from a 43-year-old good-looking guy. Seemed intelligent, very well-travelled, extremely into health and fitness, good job… we did the back and forth e-mail thing. Of course he doesn’t live within a 25 mile radius of me, we have already established there are no eligible Jews in my area. He lives about an hour and a half away. I agree to meet him half way. He picks a very nice seafood restaurant. I’m impressed and a little excited.

Cute “red date sweater”, sexy shoes, hair, make up… I look good. Drive the 45 min. A little nervous. I always try to show up 15 min early so I can get my wine and relax a bit. Ugh, it was kind of hard to find the place, even with GPS. Parking was even  tougher. But I made it!  I walk into the restaurant and head to the bar.

Fail. He was there first. Oh and ummm I think he’s aged 10 years and thirty pounds since his last picture. What’s up with that? Not that I have anything against a receding hairline (I actually think bald is sexy) it just wasn’t receding in any of the pictures…  And I’m not sure how he’s running those marathons or climbing mountains with that extra weight. There is no way he works out 5 times a week. He’s not fat. Just soft and mushy around the middle- in fact it’s kind of like a sloppy muffin top. Not a beer belly. A muffin top. I don’t think I’ve seen a muffin top on a man before, just teenage girls who wear their pants too tight.  Odd, but I’m not dating just for looks. His profile was interesting. I was intrigued with his e-mails, he seemed cool.  So he’s using and old picture- not a crime. We say hello and grab a table.

Small talk. Driving. Traffic. Work. Yawn. What I thought were cool one sentence answers through e-mail, now translates to boring and dull in person. In reality he had the personality of Matzoh. That dry Jewish holiday cracker that should have been left in Egypt when that shit didn’t rise, and now we are forced to eat it on Passover.

Conversation was getting strained… I was trying…. He told me he that was never married, came close once, but thought there might be better out there. Dumped her, has regretted it ever since and tries to measure everyone up to her. Really? Ok soo he’s a commitmentphobe who sets everyone up for failure. Fun. He did have two dates with a girl six years ago. Wow! Six years ago! Since then the rest of the girls have told him there was no chemistry. Really? No kidding!!! I wasted good hair and my “red date sweater” for this????  Well, the salmon was good. It’s late. I’m done.

We go to leave the restaurant. As we exit I turn to go to the right and he starts to go to the left. I laugh and tell him I’m parked over this way around the corner, in the alley next to the bar. He said “Oh, ok, goodbye”, gave me an awkward hug, and walked away… he didn’t even walk me to my car… All the Non-Jews have walked me to my car. I am insulted. The one Jewish guy- not walking me to my car? I told him it was in an alley. Really ? Humph! My mother would say not a mensch!

*Mensch (Yiddish: מענטש mentsh, from German: Mensch “human being”) means a person of integrity and honor.

Another fail? Come on?  Am I destined to be a “One-Date-Wonder”? This dating could make me meshuggeneh!

Meshuggeneh – (Yiddish) a crazy fool

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Posted on May 4, 2012, in age, dating, divorce, humor, J Date, Jewish dating, Jewish Singles, Jews, Match.com, On line dating, over 40, POF and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 18 Comments.

  1. NOT a gentleman! Mind you, I don’t like it if they walk you to your car and then want a kiss for it.

  2. Great way to start my day…a good cup of coffee and a posting from your blog! Thanks sosassyandsingle!

  3. Hate to break it to you, this trend will last a while. Instead of training wheels I found you need those feelers, (those things people used to put on their cars in the 50’s so they didn’t hit curbs), when you start dating after marriage. I thought since I had “stopped hitting curbs” a long time ago I could get on the road again. It isn’t just about getting used to the road, its more about “feeling” out all the creepers that are out there with you. I’m starting to believe I’ve been out with every guy you have!! It’s what inspired my blog…hehe

  4. Jennifer Foster

    Well…you know who to go to if you want a good meal!! Even though I have heard all these stories first hand, i truley enjoy keeping up with your sassy self 🙂

  5. oh honey i have so been there. oy. for divorced men i have a saying: For every divorced man out there, there’s a woman who was glad to see him go.
    for never-married men? i have no saying. i’ve tried them. found that they’re just dopey.

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