I was telling my parents about my Match.com dates. My mother asked me why I wasn’t “doing J Date”. I know J Date is for Jewish singles, but how does my mother know this? Of course… some of her Mahjong friends date. “You know, Jewish men make good providers”, she tells me- like she’s never said it before.
I’m Jewish. I consider myself “Jewish-Lite” kind of like Bud-Lite. One of my brothers says he’s a “Recovering Jew”. My mother insists we are “Culturally Jewish”. All translate to being Jews but not so much religious… My ex was Catholic. In fact I have never even dated anyone Jewish. Unless you count the 6th grade- we had ice cream or my “coffee date”. Not that I am against dating Jewish. The area in which I live is not heavily populated with Jews.
So, I decided to try J Date. But I’ve already paid for 6 months of Match.com. Now I have to pay for J Date? Not that I’m being cheap or anything… Look it’s on sale! HALF OFF!!! Such a deal! I have to join! I’m so proud! Why am I suddenly typing with a New York Jewish accent? I sound like Barbra Streisand in my head! OY VEY! It’s on sale… I buy… I date… If only I had a Shadchen — Matchmaker. This is the correct Yiddish term, not Yenta. A Yenta is just a talkative, gossipy woman.
I sign up. Not very creative, I copy and paste my Match profile. Being in my forties I’ll date 40-55. I don’t want to have children yadda, yadda, yadda… Put up the cute pics of me and enter…
Ok, in a 25 mile radius of my home there are 4 Jews. Yup 4! Oh and there’s my coffee date guy. So 3 Jews I haven’t had coffee with. And can I say they are ummm… let’s see… how do I say it…. Ummm not so attractive? Yea there ya go! Great! Shut off the computer and go to bed. #FAIL !
But low and behold the next morning I check my J Date. 64 people viewed me! E mail: 11, flirted with me: 7 (that is equivalent to the Match “wink”), favorite me: 4, put me on their hot list: 3. Wow I’ve got some action. Whoo whoo! How bad can this be? It has been less than 24 hours! Let’s check out what this Jewish princess is reeling in!
So I look. Oh. Um. Oh. Let’s see. A Doctor. This picture is not soo bad. Oh, that’s because it was taken when he went to Harvard… around 40 years ago! Hello??? Did you read my profile? I am not looking for someone in their 70’s… oh and look most recent photo… yes he looks like Gene Shalit. There’s a match- not.
Well we know there is no one in a 25 mile radius of where I live. But could we stay in New England (that’s where I live)? Wow I have Tel Aviv, NY, CA, Canada! Really? My profile says 25 miles from my zip code. Do they not know Geography? Maybe they don’t need to- they make good providers! How about age? Never mind the 60 and 70 year olds. I have a 28-year-old from Brooklyn, NY, a 27-year-old from Poland (now that’s a long distance relationship- what am I supposed to read him bed time stories over the phone?), and a 32-year-old from N Hollywood, CA. I have to say no when they are closer to my daughter’s age then mine. Not a cougar. My favorite?? The guy from Flushing, NY. He looks like a Rabbi, beard and all. I quickly copy and paste his pic and Gene’s pic to an email and send it to my mother with the note “thanx for having me join J Date. Which one do you want for your future son-in-law?”
She resplied “sometimes you have to kiss a lot of frogs…” Thanks Mom.